Marriage, and now motherhood, have both challenged my faith in ways I never anticipated. Sure it’s easy to say I trust God is going to take care of us. That’s the correct Christian response, right? But I am ashamed to admit that more often than not, I am not really demonstrating that faith. For example, in regards to this whole baby thing, for years we’ve claimed to trust that God was going to take care of us when we had kids. BUT we were not going to have kids until this, this and this happened. Now what kind of faith is that? God I trust you to take care of me, but just in case you forget or something, this is what we’re doing on our end. After three years of this, we finally became convicted that we really weren’t living in faith, handed over the reins and voila, the countdown to baby has begun.
Now does this mean we’re going to sit back and let the dice fall as they may on everything…..of course not. As much as I want to be faithful, I have no desire to be foolish about things. But in this particular area of our lives, control was the one thing we needed to give up.
And guess what? Yes we got pregnant about 6 months sooner than we anticipated (not complaining, just stating the facts). But we’re also slated to get more back on our tax return than we’d figured, and Jeff made a nice commission check in January for the first time in 2 years, so at the end of the day we’re really not that far off from where we’d hoped to be before we even started trying for baby. Just another example of God's faithfulness to us, even though we can't always say the same about ours to Him.
So that’s my goal for 2010 – not just speaking to my faith, but demonstrating it in every area of my life. We have some big changes, and with it big decisions, coming up in 2010, and I don’t want to lose perspective on who’s really in control of it all.
In other news, I had my 3rd doctor’s appointment today – I’ll be 18 weeks on Sunday. For those of you who see me on a regular basis, can you believe I’ve gained 9lbs since my last appointment 6 weeks ago? I’m still trying to figure out where it all went, because my stomach is not THAT big yet. Although I am sure Jeff has some insight into this mystery that is not appropriate for discussion on a public blog:)
This puts me at 11lbs total for pregnancy weight gain so far, and since I didn’t gain much the first trimester, I’m about where I’m supposed to be at this point. It’s also hard to believe that I was about 5lbs heavier than what I am now (123lbs) when Jeff and I first met. Good thing he fell in love with me when there was a little more to love, because there’s no guarantee it will all come back off after baby!! I opted out of the Quad Blood test screening today, which tests for chromosomal abnormalities. If we’re blessed with a special baby we’re not planning on doing anything about it pre-delivery, so I don’t see a need to add that unnecessary stress to mix right now. Worst case scenario I’m 5 months behind reading up on a condition or something.
We find out the sex of the baby on 2/11 (can’t wait!!) and I promise I will post belly shots soon, since I am finally starting to look pregnant and not just chubby. I’ve been blessed with some very generous maternity clothes donations from friends and family, so I haven’t had to buy anything yet. I’m still wearing my old casual pants (unbuttoned of course), but will have to invest in some new work pants soon because I’m down to only 2 pairs that fit. Yes, I am the gross girl right that wears her dry clean only black pants multiple days in a row. But I do take them off as soon as I get home…
Last night, when I was out walking with a neighbor and dad was on doggie duty, Scout decided he was going to pee up the house. Although he has not had an “accident” in quite some time, he frequently pees in his crate, which is almost more annoying to me. Last night I don’t know what the heck happened. There was a river down the hallway, through the kitchen, down the middle of the carpet in the living room, and then later I discovered he’d peed all over his pillow in the bathroom too. And I’m not talking about little drips of pee people, imagine taking a squeeze water bottle and squirting it in a zig zag fashion down the hall - that’s we’re dealing with. The dog hardly drinks anything, as far as I can tell, but somehow generates more pee than a 9 month pregnant woman. Anyway, I was pretty upset last night. For weeks now I’ve been contemplating the thought of trying to find Scout another home before the baby comes (I know I know, I am a horrible mother), but now that I’ve calmed down am not feeling as strongly about that decision as I was last night. I’ve been cleaning his crate with ammonia/windex, and apparently that may be causing him to continue peeing in it because of the smell, so I’m going to stick with straight up bleach and see if that helps. If he continues peeing in the house, I will take him to the vet to see if he has a bladder infection, but he’s been peeing in his crate for months, so I know that’s not causing that. He is a sweet, sweet dog (loves to snuggle when he settles down), but I’m just not sure our home is the optimal environment for him. I can’t leave him outside for long periods of time because he chews (yard furniture, sprinkler heads, to name a few) which means he’s crated most of the day when we’re at work. I adopted him in the hopes that he and our other dog, Allie, would become friends, but so far that hasn’t really been the case. Allie has about 5 years on him, and she’s really not interested in playing much these days. I keep praying he’ll settle down now that he’s almost 2, but so far that really hasn’t happened either. He does much better energy-wise when he’s not crated all day, so I was going to wait until after the baby to make a final decision because I’d be home with him all day. But if he continues this peefest that may not be an option. I just can’t fathom myself 9 months pregnant rooting around in his crate for pee soaked blankets 3 times a week. Jeff helps when he can, but I’m usually home well over an hour before him and you know I can’t leave his pee-soaked stinky crate untouched that long. If anyone wants to weigh in on this situation, I am completely open to suggestions. Again, I feel like a horrible mother, but I just don’t know that I can handle the stress of Scout right now. Plus I feel like all he hears is “No,” “Get on your bed” and “Go potty” these days. At a time when I feel like I need to stay calm and really focus on my patience level, mine is tested every minute I’m with him. I’m praying for a miracle, but trying to be realistic about the situation as well. I want what’s best for both of us. I know some would say if you can’t handle a dog, how do you expect to handle a kid, but from my perspective, I don’t want my dog taking away from my kid when the time comes, if that makes sense.
Okay sorry for the super-long paragraph there…didn’t mean to ramble on so much there. If a little (or a lot) of pee is my biggest worry right now, I figure I’m faring pretty well, and hope the same can be said for you my friends (minus the pee).
Updated Hypothesis: Okay so I was thinking more about the peeing situation, and realized I recently started cleaning my hard floors with windex too. I'm wondering if the whole ammonia scent is causing him confusion. Although that doesn't explain the carpet and the pillow, except that maybe once he starts he can't stop. So I'm going to clean his crate soley with bleach, and go back to straight alcohol for the floors (it really works, and is much cheaper than all the other cleaning stuff) and see if that makes a difference. Cross your fingers!
